DID YOU WATCH WORLDS??????????????????   DIDN’T I TELL YOU??????????????????????  I SAID WE’D TOTALLY ROCCCCKKKKKKKKK DAAAAAAAAAAAA HOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!!!  AND WE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY BRO JONATHAN HORTON TOTALLY KICKED AAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IN ALL-AROUND!!!!!!  YOU BETTER WATCH OUT KOHEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NEXT TIME JONNY WILL KICK YOUR AAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND WATCH OUT GREEK BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NEXT YEAR STEVIE IS GONNA HIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU WON’T HAVE A FREAKIN CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

COME ON EPKE!!!!!!!!!!!!  COME ON KOHEI!!!!!!!!!!  COME ON FABIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  COME ON ZHANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I WILL TOTALLY KICK YOUR ASS ON HIGH BAR NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!  COME ON BOY!!!!!!!  I CAN TAKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!  COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  COMMMMMEEEEEE AWWWNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

IT’S TTEEEEEEEE SHIRT  TIME Y’ALLLLLL    YEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

HERRO!  I HAVE MUCH NEWS.  OUR DEAR LEADER KIM JONG Il COACH GREAT RHYTHMIC GYMNASTS OF PEOPLE’S REPUBRIC OF NORTH KOREA AND THEY BEAT UGLY KOREANS AND FAT AMERICANS!  YES, UGRY KOREANS AND FAT AMERICANS TRY TO CHEAT.  THEY MAKE DEAR WITH RICH RUSSIAN RADY.  THEY HERP RUSSIAN RADY WIN GORDS AND RICH RUSSIAN RADY HERP UGRY KOREANS AND FAT AMERICANS CHEAT.  BUT IT NO WORK BECAUSE WE MUCH BETTER.  DEAR LEADER CREATE MASTERPIECE, TO SONG OF KIM IL SUNG.  JUDGES SAY THEY NEVER SEE SUCH BRILLIANCE.  THEY IGNORE CHEATING OF RICH RUSSIAN RADY AND FAT AMERICANS AND UGRY KOREANS AND BRING GORD TO GLORIOUS NATION

BUT  NOW EVIR CAPITRAISTS ANGRY AND SAY RIES AND FEDERATION OF IMPERIAR GYMNASTS BAN GREAT GYMNASTS OF PEOPERS REPUBRIC OF NORTH KOREA!!!!  THEY SAY HONG SU JONG FAKE AGE!!!!  HONG NO FAKE AGE!!!!  IS PROT OF EVIR CAPITARISTS TO STEAR SECRETS OF DEAR LEADER! THEY DISCOVER CLONING MACHINE WHICH CREATE MANY CLONES OF HONG.  YES DEAR LEADER KIM JONG IL PERFECT ART OF CLONING AND WILL NOW MAKE GLORIOUS TEAM WHO ALL CAN DO KIM JONG IL VAULT WITH 4 TWISTS AND DO KIM JONG IL SALTO ON FLOOR WITH 5 FLIPS AND 5 TWISTS!   FAT AMERICANS JEALOUS OF GENIUS OF DEAR LEADER.  THEY WANT MACHINE BUT WE NO GIVE THEM.  THEN THEY SAY WE CHEAT AND WE MAKE FAKE AGE!  BUT FAT AMERICANS CHEAT MORE.  YES!  UGRY GIRR WHO DATE UGRY PLAYER OF FAKE FOOTBALL REARRY DO JUMP OF YAMASHITA BUT SHE TERR  JUDGES SHE VAURT HARDER.  EVIR JUDGES OF FEDERATION OF IMPERIAR GYMNASTICS HELP FAT AMERICANS CHEAT, SAY UGRY GIRR MAKE JUMP OF TSUKAHARA.  BUT IS AWR RIES! 

First, let it be known that I’m not writing more than one hundred words since I’m not getting paid.  I’m only doing this blog as a favor to the ex-wife of my zemlyak, Valentin Mogilny.  Right then, so yeah.  So I finished third at Russian Cup, yeah whatever.  There’s no money involved, and I’m still going to Worlds.  I hit everything except pommels.  What about the others, why should I care?  They’re no threat to me, and they sure as hell ain’t winning medals at worlds.  Who do I think will be on the world team?  Well, me of course because let’s face it, we suck without Yuri.  And Khorokhordin since he did win this competition.  And I guess we have to take that dick Golotsutskov since he’s the only one who wins medals these days.  As for the others, I’m not going to bother thinking about it since I’ve gone over the one hundred words I said I’d write.  Goodbye!

Dragulescu flees WADA in his house

The International Gymnastics Federation “severely warned” Romanian gymnast Marian Dragulescu for not registering as an active gymnast in 2009, which left him off the list for out-of-competition drug testing.

The AP wrote, “Dragulescu also failed to give details of his whereabouts for visits from testing teams earlier this year.”

According to the geniuses who run the FIG, they “found little or no whereabouts information for the first three trimesters of 2010.”

Dragulescu, who is of gypsy or Roma ethnicity, does not have a permanent address. Instead he lives in gypsy encampments, where he spends his time vaulting over actual horses and practicing how to fall at the Olympics.

While the doping control teams were driving all over Romania this year in seach of his pee, Dragulescu said he remained one step ahead. “When I heard they were coming, we got into our houses and drove away,” he said. “Try to find me, FIG fuckers!”

He said it is not true he did not go to the European Championships in April because he was taking steroids and didn’t want to get tested.

“At the time I was busy beating my wife,” he explained.

Dragulescu said they don’t want his urine to test it for steroids, but because of its street value. It’s well known that gypsy tears prevent AIDS, and gypsy urine cures retina damaged caused by watching Jana Bieger.

The FIG said it will attempt to capture the elusive Dragulescu pee at the 2010 Worlds, or by simply offering him a couple euros.

I visited Edmond this week, to promote my new company.  Rocco came with me. Rocco liked Edmond a lot.

Rocco cried a lot on the plane.  The guy sitting next to us was mad. 

Then Rocco fell asleep.  So I decided to read “The Jungle” 

Oh hello there.  I see that, like Miss Bitcherova, you are interested in hearing about the latest adventures of me, Laysan Utyasheva, 6 time world champion, Olympic champion, and certainly one of the greatest gymnasts of all-time.  And most beautiful too. 

This has certainly been an exciting month.  Can you imagine my surprise when, on my birthday, I was officially declared an Honored Master of Sport.  While I have, rightfully so, referred to myself as an Honored Master of Sport in all interviews, the poor people at the ministry of sport never quite got around to actually bestowing the title upon me.  Imagine that!  After everything I have accomplished, they somehow forget to do it.  Fortunately, the great Irina Viner set them straight. 

The birthday bash was certainly an entertaining evening, thank you very much.  Many guests such as Nikolai Tsiskaridze Oksana Fedorova, and Andrei Malakhov came to pay tribute to me.  Yes,this was certainly very flattering that such celebrities acknowledge my many talents. It’s true none of my former teammates showed up.  Not even  Irina Tchachina.  But my manager (and dear mother) said they’re not important, and they would only be jealous of me and ruin my day. 

And undoubtedly, you have heard the news that I have a new boyfriend.  I’m sure you’ve seen his picture.  Very handsome, isn’t he?  Certainly more so than Yagudin, Orlando, Leonardo, Jake, Dolph, and the rest of my former paramours. 

But my life is not all glitz and glamour.  I recently performed in Luzhniki to honor the gold medalists of the 1980 Olympics.  It is true they were considering asking one of the local sports schools or one of the current RG stars to perform, but I told Navka, who was hosting the event, that it was only fitting that an Olympic champion perform in a ceremony for Olympic champions.  Fortunately, she saw the logic.

So whats next?  I have many TV projects going on so you will certainly see and hear plenty of me.  No doubt, you will hear me lend my vast expertise in rhythmic gymnastics at the 2010 World Championships.  There certainly is no one more capable of providing insightful commentary than yours truly, one of the most decorated gymnasts in rhythmic gymnastics history. 

So until we meet again, you may peruse youtube and watch many of my memorable performances.  But for now, so long! 

Love,

Laysan

HERRO!  I HAVE MUCH NEWS. FIRST, READER ASK ME IF OUR DEAR LEADER SPEND 6 HOURS TORTURING OUR SOCCER TEAMS.  IS OUR RIES BY EVIL AMERICANS AND PEOPOR OF UGRY KOREA.  THE MEETING WAS SO OUR SOCCER TEAM CAN THANK DEAR LEADER FOR PROVIDING THEM INSPIRATION FOR OUR VICTORY IN WORLD CUP.  WE NO TORTURE OUR PLAYERS AND OUR PLAYERS NO DEFECT TO EVIL CAPITALISTS. 

EVIL CAPITALISTS TELL LIES.  YES, THEY PROMISE US JUSTIN BIEBER COME TO GREAT COUNTRY AND GIVE CONCERT.  ME AND CHOE WERE VERY EXCITED.  WE BUY TICKETS.  THEN NO JUSTIN BIEBER.  CHOE AND ME VERY ANGRY.

OUR DEAR LEADER SHOW TO US AFTER WORKING IN COAL MINES FOOTAGE OF CHAMPIONSHIPS OF FAT AMERICAN GYMNASTS.  WHY THAT UGLY AMERICAN WHO SCREW UP IN GREAT CHINA OLYMPICS COME BACK?  SHE LOOK VERY AWFUR.  WHY SHE THINK SHE CAN BEAT HONG WITH ONRY A YAMASHITA?  HER YAMASHITA LOOK VEWY BAD. AND WHY UGRY AMERICAN GYMNAST WITH BAROON VOICE WHO ROB RI OF GORD MEDAR COME BACK?  HE NO BEAT RI ON VAULT.

WHY AMERICAN TEAM NOW SO UGRY?  YES THEY WERE UGRY BEFOW EXCEPT FOR DAUGHTER OF GREAT COMMUNIST GYMNASTS BUT THEY ARE MORE UGRY NOW.  ESPESHLY THAT VERY UGRY GIRL WHO CHEAT AND WIN WORLDS RAST YEAR.

AND I SEE VERY UGRY GIRL WHO ROB HONG OF GOLD ON VAULT NO COMPETE.  DEAR LEADER SAY HE PUNISH HER BY PUTTING CURSE ON HER.  SHE GET THROWN OUT BY GREAT FORMER COMMUNIST GYMNAST AND GO TO GYM WITH SEKRET OPRATIVE WHO HAS MADE MANY UGRY AMERICAN GYMNASTS DISAPPEAR!  DEAR LEADER SAYS SEKRET OPERATIVE NOW MAKE THIS UGRY GIRL WHO ROB HONG OF TITLE ON VAULT GO AWAY.  HOORAY FOR DEAR LEADER!  

NATIONALS ARE COMING UP!!!!  ARE YOU EXCITED??? 

COME ON!!!!  I CAN’T HEAR YOU????  I SAID, ARE YOU EXCITED???  I TOTALLY AM MAN!!!!  YEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! 

ME AND MY OKLAHOMA BOYS ARE GOING TO ROOOOCCCCK THE HOOUUUUSSSSE!!!!!  YEEEEAHHHHHH!!!!!!! 

WHEN UCHIMURA AND HAMBUCHEN SEEE WHAT ME AND MY BOYS HAVE COOKED UP, HE IS TOTALLY GOING TO SHIT IN HIS PANTS!!!!!  YEAAAHHH!!!!!!

AND WHEN HYPOLITO AND FAHRIG SEE WHAT STEVIE L HAS PLANNED FOR FLOOR, HE WON’T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM!!!!!  YEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

HYPOLITO HALF?  IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO MATTHIAS??? COME ON!!!! COME ON!!! GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT!!!  I DARE YOU!!! COME ON MATTHIAS!!!!!  COME ON KOHEI!!!  COME ON DIEGO!!!  I CAN TAKE ALL OF YOU!!!  BRING IT ON!!!! YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

FIRST WE’LL ROCK HARTFORD!!!!!! THEN WE WILL KICK SOME MAJOR BOOTY IN ROTTERDAM!!!!!!! THEN WE’LL SHOW THOSE PANZIES UP IN TOKYO UNTIL WE FINALLY TAKE THE GOLD IN LONDON!!!!!!!

YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dude!  I seriously have no recollection of doing this.  All I know is that I woke up on the floor of a bus wearing a blue leotard and blonde wig. Wait, wah?  This isn’t me?  Phew! 

Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler.  He wanted a cookie.  I told him cookies are bad.  He cried.  

I cooked seared salmon for dinner today.  My husband said it was good. 

Nothing was interesting on TV, so I decided to read a book.  It was the Jungle.